If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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