I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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