So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
