Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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