And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize