haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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