Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
