Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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