I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
