babies were throwing up all over the place
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
