So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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