it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
