So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
