my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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