weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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