i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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