Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
