He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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