I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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