Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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