We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
