Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize