Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
