Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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