oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
