So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
