Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
