I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cut my penus on the lid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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