You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize