she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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