please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
