I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
