New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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