i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
