yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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