I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
