just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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