My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
