Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
