Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
