You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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