You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
