So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
