i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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