dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
