Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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