It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
