Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
