ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
