Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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