Can Purell be used as lube?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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