he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
