the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
