DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
