4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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