The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
