I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
