Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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