I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
