If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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