I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
