I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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